last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
