There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
