if you like me you must not know who I am
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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