you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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