So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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