I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
