I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
