You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
