I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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