Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
