You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
