from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
