I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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