but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
