Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
