are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
