the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
