dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
