So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
