Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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