I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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