Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
People in love make me want to vomit
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
