The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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