I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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