yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
