dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
