My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
