Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
