I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
