Only a mothe r could love this liver
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just found puke in my bra..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
