i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
