I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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