my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
