Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
