Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
