I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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