i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pants are for mortals
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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