he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So. Much. Porn.
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