I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
