so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
