Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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