Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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