He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
