I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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