6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
