..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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