Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
