I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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