If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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