I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
