I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
