I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
