weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
