You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
