My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
