we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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