Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
