The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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